enlightener

tomorrow

2009-01-12T02:31:57Z

You were the one who showed me
You were the one who taught me
You were the one who allowed me
To become myself

I dont know how this happens
Everything just falls away
I dont want to be forgotten
But everything that once was just seems so far away

I never dreamed id live in fear
I never thought id end up alone
I never believed there'd be a day that you werent by my side
I never thought, i never thought id be

Afraid of tomorrow
The day when its all over
I wish i were looking through the eyes of someone else
Im afraid of tomorrow - please someone, someone else

Im afraid of tomorrow..Everything is so far away...I'm

Losing patience, wont resort to violence
You were the one to break the silence
Bring me back to yesterday
Everything is so far away

We have our differences and we cant get along
I used to mean something, i used to belong
In my arms you were secure
Now my voice almost seems as though it's torture

Is it any wonder why im scared
Losing all that ive ever known
Hopes and dreams, fears and screams
My words are useless it seems

Im afraid of tomorrow..Everything is soo far way...I'm

Afraid of tomorrow
The day when its all over
I wish i were looking through the eyes of someone else
Im afraid of tomorrow - please someone, someone else

Is this the beginning of the end
Maybe it will help to close my eyes and pretend
Another day passes, no more dreams to follow
Im afraid of tomorrow

bored

2009-01-10T01:49:01Z

The differences between us can no longer be perceived as compatible
Dispair and creativity no longer admissable as similarities
Lost and confused, transperant with displaced hopes
Sinking, drowning, breathless, dark and betrayed

One cant be swayed, one cant be compromised
One will not shutter, one will not disdain
Reaching for eternal truth
Cries of agony, tears of joy, simplistic nature all but forgotten

Read between the lines
Decipher the encoded message
Unlock the meaning behind one's eyes
Im missunderstood

Im begging for
Im searching for
Im confiding in
You

Let me in, let me past
Let me through what ails you
Let me in, let me past
Let me through what denies you

Times have taken there turn
Another lesson learned
What can be, will be no longer
What you fear, only makes you stronger

---------------------------------------------------

My minds a racing
yet my feet arent a pacing
whats becoming of me
wheres my heart taking thee

why is it what i feel is always wrong
cant someone just understand where i am coming from
will no one take my hand, tell me i belong
will no one take a chance, will anyone

Are words now the epitamy of everything thats bad
is it not possible to feel sorrow
it is wrong to wish i had kept silent
Im sorry you were the hope of my tomorrow

Forgive my reasoning for it was without thought
Ignore my subtleness for it was inadvertant
Reminiscing will only get me so far
Its hope that keeps me on par

We both wish for the same things
We both hate being alone
why is it only you who doesnt realize
That neither of us is better on our own

Deception

2008-12-20T08:33:36Z

Contemplate misery without denial
wishful thinking, only once in a while
colorful reaction, subtle at times
flowers of evil, malignant not benign

Lost and stranded
Are you going to wake me
uncontent and imprisoned
Are you going to tell me

you wanna show me something
then go ahead and cry for me
you wanna make something of nothing
then go ahead, i dare you to lie to me

Look me in the eye
Dont turn around, dont walk away
show me im not what you want
I dare you to lie to me

swear on every word out of your mouth
promise me with every last breath
hold out you hand as if you are in need
your eyes trying to hide the fear you bleed

im not asking you to do anything
im telling you to stand up
im not asking for the truth
I'm asking you to show emotion

Go ahead, turn my way
Look at me
Fill my head with thoughts
Show me every possibility

you wanna show me something
then go ahead and cry for me
you wanna make something of nothing
then go ahead, i dare you to lie to me

mentally lost

2008-12-20T08:28:40Z

Nothing I do is ever going to be good enough. She has this pre-conceived notion that I am a completely different person than I used to be. We have had our differences, our fair share of bickering and wasted arguments. Five years together, the last two a downward spiral. Each of us gave our entire lives for the other. Each of us has screwed up and broken up with each other for someone else. She first, and then me. We both know how it feels yet I'm the one willing to look past it. She has everything she needs. She doesnt want a relationship. She has a billion and one friends, especially guys who are all madly in love with her. I used to be secure enough to handle it, although we were together at the time. My philosophy was always, well she comes home to me, is held and kissed by me etc etc...now its not so easy. Insecurity isnt a good thing, but I can only handle so many attempts by guys throwing themselves at her. Oh I will be your best friend, confidant blah blah fucking blah..they all have alterior motives and all of them want to be her next "one". She is hotter than ever, while ive let myself go while trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I think I may have finally decided upon something, and I feel ashamed to even discuss it with her. I just feel as though I would get laughed at, and have something thrown back in my face like "yeah, it is a nice thought but a bit unrealistic given your track record dont ya think". It is shit like that, that I dont need right now.

Nothing I do is ever good enough. I provided for her basically as long as we have been together. I payed for our food, the places we lived. I worked the 55 hours a week. Now our roles have been reversed and I get bitched at. I can take it. I love being around her, but apparently I dont show it enough. I want to be with her, but apparently I havent proven it well enough. Everything anyone says to her, I have said it all before. But because it is new coming from someone else it gets taken to heart, where as if i say it, it is almost overlooked. She is beautiful, and she knows it. I tell her, and it seems like it doesnt even phase her. Someone else says it, rede or barrett and she basically blushes and gets all giddy. She makes me feel worthless when in reality this is the first time in my life that Ive actually done something encouraging. Im actually going to school and Im estatic about it. Yet I still feel like I cant even live up to her standards. Im apparently not as intelligent as her, and will amount to nothing. Im tired of being looked down upon. I am trying to improve myself, one thing at a time. I need encouragement not critisism.

I want the girl that used to miss me. Not the girl that I stay up all night waiting to come home just so I can see her. I want the girl that used to actually kiss me in public, not the girl that rarely even does it when it is just us alone. I want the girl that didnt need anyone else, not the one who feels the need to constantly be texting someone. She wants the boy she fell in love with, and all i have to say is the window goes both ways. She is in the next room, sleeping..maybe..texting..probably...yet I still miss her. I hate feeling alone..not good enough.